Losing it

A friend commented just yesterday that she couldnt believe that this blog was mine.
“Kenneth your writing is soo different, its so lousy now,” of which i had absolutely no response to except that sinking feeling of approval.

Looking back at the previous blog i had, i guess i had to admit that I’m losing it. On second thought however, whilst furiously rushing through stacks of notes for my second exam that ended 2 hrs ago. It hit me, like one of those revelations that Eliade had, I was emo then, now, i’m perhaps just reduced to being a pathetic excuse of a human being.

Perhaps, being in love, inspired, lifted, illuminated the words which i had chosen, used even abused. Well on closer examination, it came to no surprise that the better written ones were when i was upset, hurt, depressed. Emotions that often came with pinings, intense contemplation and an excruciating stab of lonliness.

Perhaps, when one is less emotional, less affected, and indifferent to his surroundings. He inevitably becomes detached, even from the very flow of words that used to stream from his fingers so effortlessly, gushing ferociously onto the screen as the monotony of the taps of the keyboard recited an almost depressive tone of routineness, Leading the writer to be less human, less relatable, less and less of any semblance of a warm-blooded creature.

By this thread, maybe, those sinking feeling of pain, hurt and derpression are then my true source of eloquence, at least online. Ridiculous, i say, yet undeniably almost true.

I had nothing to say, nothing to feel for almost a year before i started this blog, of which the other one had been left to lead its natural cause of abandonement. Perhaps, the times i felt that i had nothing to say, were times which i was apathetic, almost dead.

Well, i’m much less of an “emo” now, or at least i claim to be, but it struck me really hard as i’m writing this that, i think i’ve lost more than eloquence, sense, flow, and flair. I lost someone, to another, painful… yet true.

Losing someone is easiest when you’re moving to another. Perhaps even seamless, just like moving out from one home to other, a place of solace to another, throwing away a crutch for another. Its so easy. But the house that left, is usually empty, soul less now, the place of solace is now just cob webs and dust, the crutch, now just another branch, another rotting piece of remnance of the bigger tree it had been ripped from.

Well perhaps this revertibrations of ghosts that haunts me still, would someday go away. Leaving me still, with the rhythms of words, which i hope not to rid, i hope not to go.

An unexpected friendship

After a long awaited post promised by me. I finally got down to doing it.
Been interning for some time almost 3 months, how time slips us so easily sometimes. Anyhow, i expected nothing, nothing in fact. To my surprise, i met the most uncanny of guys, a friend now as i might somehow pen down now.

Interestingly, both of us are really from different worlds. Literally, one hand of the spectrum u have a crazy bastard, someone lacking in even the basics of morality, partys, drinks, smokes, slimes etc (me).

On the other hand you have this friend i’ve made. Nice guy, funny, loyal to his girlfriend. Easy going, most importantly, genuine, which i think is the only common thing we share, except that i’m more blunt, tactless and loud than genuine.

Either way, he helped when i needed it, even though he had no reason to. To be honest he helped me a lot, especially with his superior knowledge in journalistic writing as opposed to me and with all the contacts and all, hmm in a way. Without the dude, i’d probably not do as well in my assignments to be really honest.

and wells for the drinks at brewerkz as well. I give a toast to this guy, which is why i made a video! haha not much of a thank you sorta thing but more of a just for laughs kinda thing.

HAHA crazy fella you are man.

Thanks man…

have i told u?

that i can’t forget? that i seriously can’t fucking forget?

boo

wad a way to be called… wad a way… a way i’ll never forget. a way i’ll always cherish…

The cyclic process

Just witnessed a break up, last week or break off if you would. In an instance it all came to me, the inevitablilty of karma, the adamant pursuit of the cosmic consequences of one’s action.

Let me just illustrate my point, by listing a few examples, by having a few fictitious characters (maybe not too fictitious but thats non-consequential). Mr Ethan, Miss Brook. Well some of you might link them to actual references to real, but sad to its just a figment of your imagination.

Scenario one

Ethan and Brook have been together for around lets see hmmm (i like 2 1/2 yrs), okay 2 1/2 years. Having been in a relationship for a sustained period of time, one would make a quick association that the couple probably has some issues, unresolved for that matter. Like any couple problems are almost mandatory, the lovey dovey-ness comes and goes, smiles, giggles were but part of the process as were the tears and arguments.

Gina finally leaves Kira for someone else, because of their problems. Poor Ethan u might be thinking… …

BUT

What is this an effect of Karma? Probably. Lets retrace incidents that happened over the relationship.

8 months into it? –> Ethan gets so drunk one night, picks up a girl at a club flirts exchanges number, perhaps even more than that, wakes up the next day only to realise the girl he’d met was Gina’s friend. Well Ethan’s meant to be a jackass.

2 weeks later –> Brook hooks up with her ex for a lil rendevous, but Kira eventually finds out…  Karma? You decide.

Its all down hill from then like u would imagine.

10 months into the relationship  –>  Ethan hooks up with someone he use to have a huge crush on…

6 months later –> Brook hooks up with someone she used to have something with.  Karma?

2 yrs –> Ethan hooks up with someone again

2 1/2 –> Brook hooks up with someone and finally leaves him.  Karma again?

Well Looks like the initiator of it all, Kira got it worst off in the end, left with nothing literally. But how is all of thids karma? it might just be a case of two cheating mofos lumped together in the most unfortunate relationship.

BUT what if i told you that both kira and gina had no idea about each other’s partners/flings/hook -ups. Well as hard as this is to imagine its true… in fact, VERY true, i’ve seen it.

I abstain from too much elaboration to protect the identities of the individuals but whilst elaboration might substatiate my theories of karma, i choose not to, afterall i aint writing for a journal.

Basically i theorize, it comes in full circle. Everything we do, some people say its just how the relationship broke down because of mutual unhappiness, but karma perhaps?

After all, there was an initiater and an effect.

Its always CAUSE and EFFECT. The effect could never be a cause to another effect. Karma stops seeking ure ass out after it gives u ure due deserts.

It only comes back when u screw up again.

Well, thats all… i’m just ranting.